Saturday, March 19, 2011

Solon Joe's

4583. Executive session?
by solonjoe3, 03/14/11 9:12 AM

Vice Mayor Krooks: ... Ok, that bring us to deer culling. Councilman Ramone has an interesting idea about using croquet mallets.

Councilwoman VeryRichMond: Mallets? You can’t be serious about croquet mallets?

Councilman Ramone: One hit on the noggin and they are out like a light. What could be more humane? Besides they are rats.

Vice Mayor Krooks: Let’s not debate how we kill them. Let’s debate how many we should kill. Let’s not even debate whether or not they are rats. Let’s instead talk about who to give the contract to and how they will make it worth our while.

Councilwoman VeryRichMond: Well, I surveyed my residents and they are opposed to croquet mallets 87% to 46%-- that is, if I don’t count all people who wanted to answer the survey different than me. Totals can add up to more than 100% if you don’t use excel.

Councilwoman Meaningless: I’m just pleased as punch that you all invited me to these meetings. Is it time for me to abstain yet?

Councilman Moonbeam: We have the money in the capital budget, although as a recurring expense it really doesn’t belong on that ledger, but nevertheless the money is cooked in, so I say we spend it.

Councilman Peanuts: I don’t understand why we have to spend public dollars on things like this.

Councilman Moonbeam: As I’ve tried to explain to you, if we don’t spend all the money we take in, residents will expect us to give some of it back.

Mayor McDrucker: She serves at my pleasure. They all serve at my pleasure. I will not tolerate leaks.

Vice Mayor Krooks: White buffalo has a very attractive offer. Campaign donations, kickbacks, and free venison stew. I don’t see anybody topping that….

Councilwoman Meaningless: I abstain.

Mayor McDrucker: And how do we know Sally wasn’t one of the many leakers?

Councilwoman VeryRichMond: I suppose if we padded the mallets, they wouldn’t hurt as much….

Councilman Ramone: That’s what I was trying to tell you. Whack! One blow. They won’t feel a thing.

Councilwoman Meaningless: I abstain.

Councilman Moonbeam: How much do these mallets cost? We have to be sure to spend the entire budget.

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